There will be more to say about this. But something to say now: Maybe don't ask, "So how long do I have?"
Or maybe you should. Maybe I should have, too, though I wonder now if I should have. Except what good does it do to know? But I asked. It wasn't a premeditated question, either. Just what came out.
Dr. Gore said they estimate three to five years--but he said it doesn't apply to me, because I've already been living with this brain tumor since 2003. (I'm curious if Dr. Gore agrees or disagrees with Dr. Murali's assessment that the tumor probably developed when I was in utero, and has simply been growing very slowly ever since. There are always the questions you forget to ask, think of later, start a list of for next time...)
Laurel said, "So finish your novel."
I said, "I will--I'm going to anyway, soon--but I wanted to be Alice Munro."
We all laughed at that, sort of.
Laurel suggested I get the longest mortgage term possible. Me and Megan laughed really hard at that.
***
I say, knowing it's true, "Any of us could go at any time." But now I'm knowing it in another way. Ugh.
I miss Eve. She would have been very helpful right about now. She understood this mortality stuff.
4 comments:
Love you, Elissa, and wish you were closer so I could come over and cook and craft something with you as in the good old first days.
Sarah forwarded an email you sent after she asked about one of your Fbook posts, which led me back to this blog. Sending a big hot air balloon of love West to where you are.
Oh god, Elissa. I haven't been keeping up with what has been going on with you. I am going to visit you this summer. You are going to visit me. There will be lots of hugging, and I'll probably make you sit still and pose for a crazy chalk pastel portrait.
Get the longest mortgage possible. Also possibly apply for some crazy loans and travel the world. Also hug me. Also also oh man oh man. I wish I was in Portland right now.
I might visit you, miss elka, unless I'm barfy from chemo. ARGH. but please do visit me. in my new house. & don't worry about not keeping up--this is all extremely recent. come here and make a crazy chalk pastel portrait of me please. xoxoxo to the both of you, farah and elka.
Elissa - I'm so glad we have met and we have talked and laughed. I hope we can do it again sometime despite the fact I live at the bottom of the world. Keep safe & look after yourself. xoxo!
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